those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
