The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
