my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
