You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
