when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
