Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
