He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
