Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
