My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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