Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
