he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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