Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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