I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
