You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I bet he comes in French.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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