I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
