Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize