Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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