I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
