Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I want is dick and wine.
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