apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
