once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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