I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize