Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
