We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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