I cut my penus on the lid.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
