talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
