I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
