May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
