turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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