He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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