I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
