The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The uberlube is also flammable
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
