he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
