I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so let's talk penis.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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