I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
