Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want her autograph on my taint
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
