you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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