So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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