if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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