I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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