tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
