i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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