Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
