Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
