I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
