Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
