I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
