Barsexuality is the new black.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
