So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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