My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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