dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
