my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize