We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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