I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
