Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
