They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
