There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
