I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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