dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
