he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
