HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
