I love black thongs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
