I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's never too late to be topless.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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