and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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