no, he came in my armpit
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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