Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
